Dying, Courage, Love

I thought I would briefly share some thoughts about my Brother-in-Law, Tom Gilbert.

Tom was diagnosed with stage IV Melanoma 4th of July week. The prognosis then was not good, and his chance of survival was less than 10%. He lived 5 months.

Immediately after diagnosis, Tom and Nancy re-worked their wills - bringing them current. Tom turned all of the finances over to Nancy and brought her up to speed on all of the details. Tom also bought a new car for Nancy. (They had 2 14 year old Camrays ... each with over 120K miles). Gradually as Tom's health deteriorated, Nancy provided more and more of Tom's care. As the cancer went to Tom's brain, he became less and less rational and less able to care for himself. Nancy took a leave of absence from work to care for Tom in their home.

Tom was a lovely person who was a tremendous Grandfather. The above pictures were taken on Thanksgiving. Dear little Jessica loved to snuggle with Tom even on his sick bed.

I've known personally three men who faced cancer and died quickly: Rogers Greenman, Warren Gilder, and Tom. All were courageous in the last months of their lives.

Nancy provided excellent care of her husband. The last three weeks of his life, he had hospice care in the home. This involved LPN's, visiting nursers, visiting physicians and my Sister. Nancy faithfully bathed, cleaned, and attended Tom to the minute of his death.

Nancy made the funeral arrangements for Tom. She selected an alternative funeral that was cremation and a memorial service. The hour Tom died (last Saturday) she and the children gathered by Tom's body after his death and mourned for a time. Her Pastor came and spent time with the family.

The memorial service was Wednesday. Nancy had a lot of help. She had between 60 and 80 people at her home. Her manager, church friends, and neighbors all provided food. We had food Tuesday night (when the family gathered), Wednesday after the memorial services, Wednesday night, Thursday night and Friday night. For example, Mother's neighbor Donna brought in a pecan pie. Another church brought in a ham dinner. A neighbor brought in lasagna from the Olive Garden. All of this was very helpful.

Cremation is not my preference, but I think it is just that - a preference! The memorial service and all of the funeral was handled with great dignity.

Because Rogers Greenman, Warren Gilder, and Tom Gilbert were my contemporaries, their deaths strike close to home. At 58, I am cognizant that my days are literally numbered. The Psalmist instructs us: "So teach us to number our days,That we may gain a heart of wisdom" (90:2). James teaches us: "whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away." (4:14).

In light of the temporariness of life and the absolute certainty of one's death, it is imperative that one embrace the Savior. John 3:36: "He who believes in the Son has everlasting life; and he who does not believe the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God abides on him."

The events of the last 5 months and the last 5 days specifically have been instructive to me.

Ecclesiastes 7:4: "The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, But the heart of fools is in the house of mirth"