Al Sicherman's NASTY index

How cold is it? It's so cold…

Excerpt:

So here is the New Al Sicherman Temperature Yardstick (NASTY).

NASTY Level 0: "Brisk," 32 to 20 degrees: Barely visible layer of ice forms overnight; you almost slip getting into car. You regret not wearing gloves.

NASTY Level 1: "Uncomfortable," 20 to 10 degrees: Frost on windshield too firm to come off just by running wipers; requires scraping (if you can find scraper). You really regret not wearing gloves. And hat.

NASTY Level 2: "Frosty," 10 to 0 degrees: After briefly removing glove while walking dog, to put newspaper bag to its highest use, your hand remains ice-cold inside glove all the way home.

NASTY Level 3: "Frigid," 0 to -10 degrees: Sound of car starter changes from rettita-rettita-VROOM to wuoh-wuoh-wuoh-wuoh-VROOM.

NASTY Level 4: "Awful," -10 to -15 degrees: Remote door-unlock button produces only strangled hum.

NASTY Level 5: "Terrible," -15 to -20 degrees: Inside of windshield frosts over from your breath; protruding lower lip, to force breath up instead of out, causes your glasses to frost over.

NASTY Level 6: "Dreadful," -20 to -25 degrees: Sound of car starter changes from wuoh-wuoh-wuoh-wuoh-VROOM to wuoh wuoh wuoh wuoh wuh.

NASTY Level 7: "Horrible," -25 to -30 degrees: Pressing button to turn on car radio causes crack to open across entire dashboard. (Radio doesn't come on.)

NASTY Level 8: "Unspeakable," -30 to -35 degrees: After leaving car all evening in unheated ramp, car window has frozen up and can't be lowered to pay the attendant; you have to open the door, but there's no room because you're right next to attendant's booth, and you can't pull forward because attendant has crossing arm down (and through closed window you can't make him understand you need to pull forward so you can open door to pay him) and you can't back up because there's somebody behind you.

NASTY Level 9: "Ghastly," -35 to -40 degrees: When you try to open car door, handle breaks off.

NASTY Level 10: "Evil," colder than -40 degrees: When you try to open car door, hand breaks off.

Comment: Nasty level 3 today (-6). We took the car through the car wash which is very interesting (car wash foggy) at this temp!