My complaint about Sharper Iron

Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator

Excerpt:

The last thing I wanted to do this Saturday night was spend several hours writing, editing, and typing this letter. However, I needed to do it because it's decidedly the best way to do something about the continuing—make that the escalating—effort on Sharper Iron's part to make us too confused, demoralized, and disunited to put up an effective opposition to Sharper Iron's obiter dicta. When writing this letter, I had originally intended to segregate the pure errors of fact in Sharper Iron's comments from the assertions of questionable judgment where there could be room for dispute. I eventually decided against that approach because Sharper Iron's commitment to racialism is only part of the story. That's too big of a subject to get into here so let me instead discuss how it should work with us, not step in at the eleventh hour and hog all the glory. Sharper Iron has been turning over our country to filthy, exploitative shysters. How can it perpetrate such an outrage against public propriety and decency? It doesn't want you to know the answer to that question; it wants to ensure you don't enhance people's curiosity, critical acumen, and aesthetic sensitivity.

I am not trying to save the world—I gave up that pursuit a long time ago. But I am trying to develop a rational-empirical base for dialogue about Sharper Iron's belief systems. Whether you call it "colonialism", "libertinism", or "poststructuralism", it is alive and well in Sharper Iron's excuses. It's what convinced me that Sharper Iron's positions are a mere cavil, a mere scarecrow, one of the last shifts of a desperate and dying cause. Please pardon this brief divagation, but in every country there are acrimonious skinheads who are every bit as brassbound as Sharper Iron. I won't dwell on that except to direct your attention to the debauched manner in which it has been trying to justify, palliate, or excuse the evils of its heart. If we don't remove the Sharper Iron threat now, it will bite us in our backside any day now.

I mention that in this spot because of its close connection with the item just above. This means, in particular, that anyone—you or I or a Martian just arrived in a flying saucer—who wants to remove the misunderstanding that Sharper Iron has created in the minds of myriad people throughout the world should realize that it's not necessarily difficult to reveal the truth about Sharper Iron's off-the-cuff comments. We can begin simply by converting retreat into advance. See? I told you it wasn't necessarily difficult. We just need to remember that some day, in the far, far future, Sharper Iron will realize that its hired goons are once again out begging for signatures for some vindictive petition that makes it legal for Sharper Iron to give an air of scientific impartiality to biased judgments. This realization will sink in slowly but surely and will be accompanied by a comprehension of how you, of course, now need some hard evidence that this conviction of mine is as firm as a rock. Well, how about this for evidence: Its ventures are an icon for the deterioration of the city, for its slow slide into crime, malaise, and filth. Sorry for going on for so long about Sharper Iron. I guess I just have a burr under my saddle from seeing Sharper Iron violate the basic tenets of journalism and scholarship.

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Below is a 1 paragraph "complaint" against my Brother!

I've got a beef with Mr. Roger A Peet. Perhaps before going on, I should describe Roger to you. Roger is unctuous, bumptious, and ruthless. Furthermore, he yearns to introduce absurd, baseless, terror-ridden lawsuits intended to destroy the lives of countless innocent people. And that's it. Words fail me in describing my pure distaste for Mr. Roger A Peet's complaints and gin-swilling animadversions.