Save the Black Children - Get Married!

The Poverty Cure: Get Married - Black children bear the brunt of single parenthood’s harms.

Excerpt:

71% of African-American infants are born to unmarried women, compared with 29% for white women. The birth of a child doesn’t motivate many African-American couples to get married: 66% of black children are not living with married parents. Nor does it keep their unmarried biological parents together. About seven in 10 white children, from newborn to 18 years of age, are living with their biological parents, compared with one in three black children.

This matters because—as family-structure researchers Sara McLanahan and Isabel Sawhill note in the Future of Children, “most scholars now agree that children raised by two biological parents in a stable marriage do better than children in other family forms across a wide variety of outcomes.” Cohabitation is not a replacement for marriage.

On average, cohabiting couples stay together for only 18 months. Two in three children born to cohabitating couples will see their biological parents break up by age 12, compared with only one in four in married-couple families. That fact is vital because family instability is a major source of poor outcomes for children.

It turns out that the effects of family instability are measurably worse for boys than for girls—and worst of all for African-American boys. In a landmark new study, a research team headed by MIT’s David Autor and Northwestern University’s David Figlio find that relative to their sisters, boys born to poorly educated unmarried mothers have higher levels of truancy and behavioral problems throughout elementary and middle school, are less likely to graduate from high school, and are more likely as juveniles to commit serious crimes. Many of the gaps between brothers and sisters are larger for blacks than for whites.

... we should never imagine that efforts by government and civil society, however effective, can fully substitute for the influence of stable, intact families. True equal opportunity for African-Americans will take not only programs to boost black incomes, neighborhoods, schools and job opportunities, but also mothers and fathers living and working together to raise their children.

Comment: Another sad note: According to 2010 census data, African Americans make up 12.6% of the U.S. population2 but the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) reports that black women accounted for 35.4% of all abortions in 2009 (source Google). Chart below source. Cake topper photo source.

'Honey, what's for dinner?"

Ralph feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.'

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?' No response..

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Peg, what's for dinner?' Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his Wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?' Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?' Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her. 'Peg, what's for dinner?'

Comment: See first comment for the kicker!

187 Kardashians: Measuring marriage in Kardashian units

Comment: Online calculator to measure your marriage in Kardashian units. (Also pretty easy to do by hand or even in Excel)

Kardashian Calculator

Kardashian Marriage Calculator Proves Reality TV Is Missing Out on Real Love



Excerpt:

The jokes about the longevity (or lack thereof) of the Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries union have been running wild. But nothing has quite captured the insanity of spending $17.9 million on a wedding for a marriage that lasted just 72 days like the Kardashian Calculator. Or as it should be known, the Kardashian Kalculator.

A coder from Iowa named Bryan Forbes is somebody with a little bit too much time on his hands and a lot of mathematical know-how. And he has figured out how to measure your marriage in Kardashian time. Which we, naturally, put to the test ... for some intriguing results.

By entering your wedding date and hitting "calculate," Forbes' little gadget divides the time that's passed since you said "I do" by 72 days. Or as he calls it, by a Kardashian, a unit of measure representing 72 days of marriage.

At first I thought the Kalculator was just a bit of fun, but after determining that I've logged 56.28 Kardashians with my husband (that's a little over 11 years for those of you who don't do multiplication in your brain), I then plugged in my parents' wedding date and, for the hell of it, my grandparents'. The first is just over 187, but the second? At the time of my grandmother's death, they'd been married 310.74 Kardashians!

Final comment: On 12/28/2011 it will be 37 years OR 188 Kardashians

In Marriage, Who Spends the $$?

Who Makes the Call at the Mall, Men or Women?

Excerpt:

Several recent surveys suggest that men have nearly equal say on spending, and that when men and women live together, both participate in spending decisions. In a survey conducted last year of nearly 4,000 Americans 16 and older by Futures Co., a London consulting firm, just 37% of women said they have primary responsibility for shopping decisions in their household, while 85% said they have primary or shared responsibility. The respective figures for men were similar: 31% and 84%.

Comment: My guess is that Kathee spends most of our money - she is the primary shopper.

The "Just Get r Done" wedding

Romance Is in the Mountain Air in Tennessee

Excerpt:

Approximately 30 wedding chapels in the Gatlinburg-Pigeon Forge area in the foothills of the Great Smoky Mountains National Park expect brisk business this weekend and Monday when excited couples repeat their vows on a romantic adventure with mountain majesty as a backdrop.

The love-struck have been descending on the East Tennessee area for years to get married, and Valentine's Day and the weekend before have turned into marriage marathons.

Gatlinburg, in fact, touts itself as "the wedding capital of the South." Hundreds of couples are projected to say "I do" over the three-day period with mist from the peaks as a witness.

"Couples romanticize about getting married on Valentine's Day," said Guy Jacob, senior coordinator for the Gatlinburg Wedding Center. Weddings are such big business in Gatlinburg that his center has diversified in the finest Wall Street tradition: It includes three wedding chapels, a reception business, a bed and breakfast and a bridal store.

"The city in general is a draw," Jacob said.

The popularity as a wedding spot has several explanations: It's fairly easy to get married in the area, it's a picturesque setting and can't-wait couples can honeymoon instantly without driving or flying off.

A blood test is not required and there is no waiting period, but couples must be 18.

"You get your license in the morning, and then get married," Jacob said.

Cupid's Chapel of Love, a white log chapel in business 15 years, says it's been the site of more than 15,000 weddings and proclaims itself "Tennessee's most photographed wedding chapel."

Its rates run as high as $1,400, but its "Just Get r Done" package costs $99.

Jacob, whose company operates the chapel, describes "Just Get r Done" as "a simple ceremony with no photos and no fanfare."

It lasts eight to 12 minutes, and is "a full Christian ceremony, with a scripture reading."

"It's the most common wedding at that chapel," Jacob said.

A marriage license costs $38.50 for out-of-state applicants and $98.50 for Tennesseans, but the extra $60 for those in-state lovers is waived if couples complete a four-hour premarital course. Licenses can be obtained any day of the week except Sunday.

Weddings in Gatlinburg's Sevier County each February have been almost double those in January. The ceremonies have kept pace with those in March when the weather moderates and even with weddings in the traditional marriage month of June.

There were 10,711 weddings last year in the county, which is within a day's drive of much of the Southeast and part of the Midwest.

Comment: Proof that it doesn't have to cost tens of thousands to get married! Gatlinburg is a beautiful spot by the way. But the drive through Pigeon Ford is depressing with its commercialism. Above photo is Web snip from Cupid's Chapel of Love. On Git r done.

Permanent

Comment: For my son who is getting married on 1/1/11

I give thee my troth

THE least-heard marriage truth

Excerpt:

Well, marriage is by its nature a vow, an oath, a covenant (Genesis 2:24; Proverbs 2:17; Malachi 2:14). But in addition to that, at least in our culture, we usually take on ourselves oaths, vows, as part of the marriage ceremony. Remember the traditional ones:

Ths husband is asked, "WILT thou have this woman to thy wedded wife, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honour, and keep her in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto her, so long as ye both shall live?" He promises, before God and everyone, that he will.

The wife is asked, "WILT thou have this man to thy wedded husband, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou obey him, and serve him, love, honour, and keep him in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto him, so long as ye both shall live?"

The husband promises his wife, before God and everyone, "I N. take thee N. to my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth."

The wife promises her husband, before God and everyone, "I N. take thee N. to my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth."

...

Note this about all those vows: not one of them is premised on the other's keeping his vows. In other words, it is not, "If you keep your promise, then I promise that I will...." The promises are unilateral, unconditional, and therefore binding as long as the marriage lasts.

All that to this simple observation: keep your vows. If you are not doing so, you are sinning, and must repent, find God's forgiveness -- and start keeping them.

Let me add this. Many are "counseling-happy" today. I'd suggest that anyone wanting marital counseling first take out his/her wedding vows, and ask himself before God, with brutal honesty, whether he/she has provided any legitimate basis for charging that he/she is failing to keep those vows. If the honest answer is "No," then counseling may be an option. If the answer is "Yes," then the only counseling he/she should seek is from his/her pastor, as to how to remedy this sin-pattern in his/her life.

And to Christian counselors, I would suggest this: what if you started with this? Start by meeting with each individual. Tell each to bring the wedding vows, for review. Go over them closely and Biblically. Deal with sin honestly and brutally.

Then see if there is still really any need for counseling.

Comment: This blog post is 6 years old! (Back to about when blogging started!). The post is still fresh! The meaning of troth!

The deceptive fable of "test drive" Marriage

Is Cohabitation the Modern Version of Marriage?

Excerpt:

For many American young people, cohabitation is considered to be a low-cost, no-hassle alternative to marriage, a “test-drive” in some cases, or more often merely an exciting fling of no great consequence. Sadly, they have bought into the seductive cohabitation mythology. It is commonplace to hear them parroting the following specious arguments: (1) Living together is a “trial marriage” to “test the waters” to see if the couple is “compatible.” (2) Young couples cannot afford to get married; they need to wait until they are financially secure and their careers are well-established. (3) A girl should be able to have the big, expensive wedding that fulfills her childhood dreams. And on and on the deceptive fable gets spun.

Comment: No God-fearing Christian with any semblance of Bible knowledge would be drawn into this error!

Heirs together of the grace of life

More notes on 1 Peter 3:1-7. If you are married this may be a blessing to you. Click through to my other blog. View the notes online.

Heirs together of the grace of life

1 Peter 3:7, The wife as the weaker vessel

As many know I teach the young adults Adult Bible Fellowship at our church. I preparation for October 31st, I have prepared notes.

The first of which is : 1 Peter 3:7, The wife as the “weaker vessel”. I invite readers to click through to our www.4bya.info website for notes on this passage

Things Happy Couples Talk About

10 Things Happy Couples Talk About

The List:

1. Embarrassing moments
   
2. Political viewpoints
   
3. Fears and insecurities
   
4. Childhood
   
5. Past relationships
   
6. Family life.
   
7. Current events
   
8. TV and movies
   
9. The future

Comment: The article actually only had 9! Kathee and I rarely talk about TV / Movies although we sometimes watch an old movie together. We talk about the news, work (but we try to limit this), the kids, our faith. I try to read the Wall Street Journal after dinner and often we will discuss an article. The other things we do: We pray together at every meal and we read the Bible together aloud. We also read aloud one of the Valley of Vision prayers each night. On Tuesdays we have a financial discussion where we review everything: credit cards, investments, checkbook, future planned purchases, etc.

A "ding-bat doormat" who married a "Crockefeller"

Ex 'Mrs. Rockefeller': 'I had a pretty big blind spot'

Excerpt:

She brought home $1 million a year as a high-powered financial executive, yet she told a jury she woke up hungry in a cold house because her husband controlled everything.

She said it took years to leave the man who told her he was a member of the moneyed Rockefeller clan because she didn't know the online passwords to their bank accounts.

Being the breadwinner offered her no status in her marriage, Sandra Lynn Boss, 42, testified Tuesday at her former husband's kidnapping trial.

"You mistakenly confuse money and power. Money and power are not the same thing in a relationship," she explained under cross-examination by her former husband's defense attorney, Jeffrey Denner, who at times seemed stunned by her answers.

Comment: Title is a little harsh ... came from the article.

Half the news fit to print

California Asks Court to Weigh Ban on Gay Marriage

Excerpts:

The California attorney general asked the State Supreme Court on Monday to review the constitutionality of Proposition 8, the voter initiative passed two weeks ago that bans same-sex marriage.

The central argument in the recently filed lawsuits is that Proposition 8 is a significant enough revision to the State Constitution to require approval by the Legislature.

Supporters of the proposition, led by the group Protect Marriage, reject that argument, suggesting in legal papers filed Monday on behalf of five California residents that “when using the initiative process to amend the Constitution, the people exercise their sovereign power of self-government.”

What The Times Forgot to Mention about California’s Marriage Amendment

Excerpt:

Here’s what the paper that makes all the news fit its agenda forgot to mention:

• Same-sex marriage was never part of the California Constitution. It was forced on the state in May, by an edict of the same court now being asked to rule on the legality of Prop. 8.
  
• Despite massive opposition by the mainstream media (The New York Times included), the initiative passed by a vote of 52% to 48%.
  
• In 2000, 61% of California voters approved Prop 22, a statute limiting marriage to a man and a woman. The Court swept this aside with its mandate, necessitating the amendment.
  
• With the passage of ballot questions in California, Arizona and Florida this year, voters in 30 states have enacted constitutional bans on gay marriage, by an average vote of 68%.
  
• Those demonstrations by opponents of Proposition 8 the paper mentioned in passing are often aimed at the Mormon (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) and Catholic Churches and are frequently violent. In San Francisco last Friday, the police had to intervene to save a group of Christians who were set-upon by homosexual militants. In Palm Springs, an elderly woman holding a pro-Prop 8 sign was physically assaulted and had a cross ripped from her hands and trampled by the mob.
  

Comment: The title of this blog is a comments of the NY Times motto "All the News That's Fit to Print"

Best ad ever ...

Comment: I had to clean up (red line) what the wife said to her husband. Basically she said (in a vulgar way), "I don't care". He took it literally!

Is marriage only for "white people"

Black and single: Is marriage really for white people?

Excerpt:

career she enjoyed, a nice home, two adorable children and a husband. She shared her tools for success with me at an early age. She went to college, got married and waited until she was 26 to have her first child.

The perfect life. The perfect plan. It was one I decided to model.

My aspirations for both a career and family were set at the age of 12. I knew I could accomplish what Mrs. Allen, my fifth- and seventh-grade teacher, had. But as I approach 30 and measure the goals I had at 12 against the reality of life, the only thing I can check off that list is a college education.

I am a statistic.

And there are millions more like me. Forty-five percent of black women in America have never been married, compared with 23 percent of white women, according to the U.S. Census Bureau's American Community Survey in 2006. Articles like the one published in the Washington Post two years ago could lead me to believe that it's because "Marriage is for White People."

Comment: Sad commentary on life!

Aussie "Man Drought"

Comment: Be sure to click the link for the graphic!

Man Drought

Excerpt:

According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, the national gender ratio is 98 males to every 100 females. Compare to a global average of 102 males to every 100 females, and to countries like China, which has 107 males for every 100 females. Australia might not be the worst off in this regard; America's ratio is 97 males to every 100 females, and Estonia's is a distressing 85:100. But within Australia, the differences can be pronounced. Six out of Australia's eight states and territories have lower numbers of males than females.

One of Australia's leading demographers, Bernard Salt, has labeled the phenomenon a "man drought," and he argues it could have serious repercussions, especially since there are also pronounced swings in the gender ratios within age groups. While overall there are 27,000 more men in their 20s than there are women in the same age range, among 30-somethings women outnumber men by 15,000. Once you hit the 40s, women outnumber men by 23,000. And again, regional differences pop up. In parts of Sydney, there are only 85 men in the 25-to-35 age bracket for every 100 women in that category.

Where have all the men gone? Part of the disappearance is due to the risk-taking male psyche. Men are statistically more likely to engage in dangerous activities in their teens and 20s, too often with tragic results. But this is nothing new, and Mother Nature has compensated for it since time immemorial: At birth, males outnumber females by about 105 to 100.

"the mystical union that is betwixt Christ and his Church"

Marriage and the Glory of God

Excerpt:

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God and in the face of this congregation, to join together this man and this woman in Holy Matrimony; which is an honorable state, instituted by God in the time of man's innocency, signifying unto us the mystical union that is betwixt Christ and his Church."


Comment: Good read!

Cohabitation = "marriage lite"

Marriage hits lowest rate since records began almost 150 years ago

Excerpt:

The number of Britons tying the knot has collapsed to a record low, it has emerged.

The proportion of men and women getting married is below any level found since figures were first kept nearly 150 years ago.

And the number of weddings held in 2006 was the smallest since 1895, when the population was little more than half its present level.

The evidence that marriage is withering away at an increasing pace was met with a furious response from critics of Labour's benefits system, which disregards the status of husbands and wives and pays parents extra to stay single.

Shadow Home Secretary David Davis claimed the Government had "fuelled family breakdown" and researcher Patricia Morgan, who coined the phrase "marriage lite" to describe cohabitation, said Labour had succeeded in "eradicating" marriage.

"This is what they have tried to achieve and they should be congratulating themselves," she added.

"But it is a disaster for children, families and society."

Comment: Cohabitation is "a disaster for children, families and society".

Women as explained by Engineers

Sent by my Sister in Law: Kathy P

Our 33rd Anniversary

Kathee and I celebrated our 33rd anniversary with Lynn and Jane R and Pastor and Mrs Kilian (Fourth Baptist) with dinner at the Northland Inn

Lynn and Jane share our exact wedding anniversary - December 28th, 1974.

Jane & Lynn

Jim & Kathee w. Jane and Lynn

Carol and Roger

Jim and Kathee