Hospital Chart Bloopers

1. The patient refused autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. (OMG! That is some examination)
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Comment: Email from a cousin-in-law or cousin thrice removed (I know who he is but unsure of the actual connection!) Said to be: "Hospital Chart Bloopers The occasional laugh is good for you! HOSPITAL CHART BLOOPERS (Actual writings from hospital charts) ". The picture above is an actual picture of a nurse (source)

Not St. Elsewhere

• Care: The care I received at Methodist Hospital was absolutely excellent. From John the concierge who helped me from the car to the wheelchair and wheeled me into the emergency room to Don the volunteer who wheeled me from my room to my waiting car on my discharge day. There were Florences (2), Mark, Pema, Megan, Terry, Leah, Linda, Irma, Neils, Dr Houle, Nurses assistants, Nurses, etc.
• 3-5800: The food service was great. I was inclined not to eat and that is what I had been doing in the days leading up to my ER visit. I told Mark my nurse that I was not going to eat since I was in for diarrhea. He said that I had to eat. Every meal was well prepared and tasty. The 3-5800 # ... room service (really)
• My roommate Tony: He was sicker than I. I prayed for him. After the C-Diff diagnosis came in at 6:45 a.m. on Sunday they spirited Tony away and I was alone in isolation. I am praying for Tony for a complete recovery.
• Dr Cara Houle: Smart, caring, excellent communicator!
• UN staff (mostly at the N/A (nursing assistant) level): Countries represented: Jamaica, Ghana (that would be Florence # 1 and Florence # 2 .... cousins), Guyana, Nepal, Tibet, India, Scotland, Georgia, Ukraine, Somalia and more. All of these had an excellent command of the English language (obviously with an accent). Each one had an interesting story. I would ask them: when did you come here? Why? How did you learn English? I would try to guess their country by their accent and skin color. I don't think I was right once! They were all very sweet. The United States attracts fine people!
• When the button is pushed: It is normally the nursing assistant who comes first. I had to push the button every time I had to go to the bathroom. It was a lot of times. This help is messy business and they were great.
• I was in a Stryker Corporation hospital bed. Bert ... thought this would interest you. The bed had as many features as a luxury car (able to weigh the patient ... alarm when I got up, etc)
• Training and education. Where the nurses went to college: Normandale Community College, Gustavus Adolphus College, Minneapolis Community and Technical College, St. Catherine University, and others. The nurses - every one - had a passion for their calling. It was truly impressive.
• Weird advice: Came from my sister-in-law who is a nurse. Put a barrier cream on your butt. I ignored that advice until it became obvious that it was very wise. Nursing provided a tube and it cured the issue.
• Unusual characters (1 was funny):
  • The hacker: I think he was in the room across the hall. I really felt for this guy and prayed for him. I kept my door closed to keep the sound out.
  • "I just peed": This one cracked me up. A woman announced loudly "I just peed". This happened more than once.
  • "I'm so depressed": This may have been the same woman as above but by the voice I think it was a different woman. I heard this woman a lot. I prayed for her.
  • "H E L L O": The funniest was the "H E L L O" guy. This was the 2nd to last night in the hospital. He would cry out "H E L L O" ... repeatedly. Like he was exploring a dark cave or something. I really wanted to get up (but there was an alarm on my bed and other issues like I'm wearing a gown with my butt hanging out!) to help the guy
• Tethered: I had an IV the entire time. Every where I went either I or a N/A had to wheel this thing behind. Once in my rush to the bathroom (on my own ... not something I was supposed to do) I closed the door on the IV tube and yanked hard on my arm. Ultimately they pulled that IV point (right arm) and moved it to my left hand

Out of hospital

Dehydration:

I slept in until past 8:00 am this last Saturday. My normal out of bed time can be as early as 6 or as late as 7 but 8 is unheard of. I relaxed in my ez chair while Kathee made breakfast. I sat down for breakfast  and told Kathee ... I don't feel well. I am very tired and I need help getting back to my recliner.

Kathee brought out an apple juice which I drank and then fell asleep. After noon I asked Kathee to help me back to bed. I could barely move and my legs were wobbly. I slept for several hours and my condition worsened. Kathee said that we needed to do something. I wanted to wait until Monday for a previously scheduled Drs' appointment. Ultimately Kathee called our son Roger and they muscled me into the car and took me to the emergency room.  At the juncture I could not even hold my head up or speak beyond a whisper.

Turns out that I was moderately dehydrated. I was given a liter of IV solution and was revived after that dripped into my vein. I was admitted to Methodist Hospital in Saint Louis Park

Return of Clostridium difficile:

Tests in the night reported a return of C-Diff. I had had diarrhea for three weeks but the previous test results were negative for C-Diff.

Drugs:

I've been administered liquid Vancomycin orally fur times a day since. Things improved enough that today I was discharged.

Ahead:

• I'm going to take off the remainder of the week
• I have some specialist appointments ahead
• I have 3-4 more weeks of drugs
• It is undetermined at this time whether I will return to work on Monday