Onion's Obama-Ahmadinejad 'poll' cited as fact in Iran

Onion's Obama-Ahmadinejad 'poll' cited as fact in Iran

 Excerpt:

An Iranian news agency picked up — as fact — a story from the paper about a supposed Gallup survey showing an overwhelming majority of rural white Americans would rather vote for Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad than President Barack Obama. But it was made up, like everything in the just-for-laughs newspaper, which is headquartered in Chicago. The English-language service of Iran's semi-official Fars news agency republished the story Friday, several days after it appeared in The Onion. The Iranian version copied the original word-for-word, even including a made-up quote from a fictional West Virginia resident who says he'd rather go to a baseball game with Ahmadinejad because "he takes national defense seriously, and he'd never let some gay protesters tell him how to run his country like Obama does."

Comment: Onion article: Gallup Poll: Rural Whites Prefer Ahmadinejad To Obama

Update: FARS image from Irish times

This explains why he keeps saying the same old thing

The Onion spoofs Biden

The Onion Strikes Comic Gold With Biden Spoofs

Excerpt:

Vice President Joseph R. Biden Jr. has never smashed a Whac-A-Mole game in a drunken fit. He has never invoked Freedom of Information laws to find out a female federal employee’s work schedule. And to the best of anyone’s knowledge, he has never washed his car in the White House driveway.

But to readers of The Onion, the satirical newspaper and Web site, the vice president has done all of those things, plus bounce a check for $39.50 to a liquor store and star in advertisements for Hennessy cognac that emphasize his international playboy swagger.

Comment: More spoofs ... click article and then click through to the Onion

Controversy at Capella University

Online University Cracks Down On Rowdy Online Fraternity

Excerpt:

Capella University, one of the nation's most heavily trafficked institutions of online learning, issued a stern disciplinary e-mail message to the members of the disorderly Alpha Sigma Sigma online fraternity Monday.

"Alpha Sigma Sigma has not only broken the rules included in each distance learner's Online Application User Agreement, but they have also continually thwarted our efforts to create a serious online-learning community and an inclusive e-campus," Capella Dean of Students Theodore Albertson said. "This rowdy fraternity has been a thorn in the school's side for years, and frankly, we've had enough."

Since opening its Capella chapter in 1996, the online fraternity has been cited numerous times for conducting illicit co-ed chatroom parties and circulating anti-administration QuickTime videos. In 1999, the university officially censured Alpha Sigma Sigma for conducting illegal hazing activities, in which pledges were coerced into participating in lewd and embarrassing acts via webcam.

More serious infractions involved illegal activities. In 2002, several Alpha Sigma Sigma members were arrested for purchasing alcohol from Wine.com with falsified driver's licenses and credit-card numbers. Then, in the spring of 2003, fraternity members hacked into the web site of rival University of Phoenix Online, erased its mascot, and placed a downloaded version on their own web site. Although no one was ever charged with the theft of the copyrighted clip art, the online fraternity was warned that further misbehavior would result in serious disciplinary action.

"There's no place for this sort of activity at Capella," Albertson said. "Students should be focusing on getting the real-world skills they need to advance their careers, not getting drunk and leaving profane postings on bulletin boards hours after curfew."

Albertson has ordered Alpha Sigma Sigma brothers to vacate their web space by Sept. 1. Any files left on the group's former server will be confiscated and deleted.

In his e-mail, Albertson singled out Alpha Sigma Sigma's webmaster David "Skipper" Gudis and forums moderator Ralph "Chip" Tanner—both enrolled in the school's 12-month MBA program—for their "utter disrespect for the traditions and customs upon which the online university was built."

Gudis is notorious among Capella students for creating LadiesOfCapella.wmv, an online facebook containing streaming web video of women from the online Alpha Alpha Kappa sorority. During the first two weeks of August, the monthly bandwidth use for the site, which was viewed more than 7,000 times, averaged a whopping 60.4 GB, costing the university thousands of dollars.

Comment: "The Onion" humor article (in case this was not obvious!). Official site www.capella.edu

"Closing staff sucks."

Opening Staff Rails Against Incompetence Of Closing Staff

Excerpt:

Citing a recent rash of barely mopped floors, sloppy register work, and general negligence, the opening staff of local restaurant Dom's issued a harsh proclamation this week, saying it would no longer endure the half-assed performance of the closing staff.

"Enough is enough," said Dan Vichas, who has worked the opening shift for more than a year and always gets stuck taking out the trash even though it's not his job. "Look at this: They filled this bucket full of damp rags and then left them to sit over night, which they totally know they're not supposed to do. Now I have to fill the bucket full of water, add bleach, and then dry the towels out properly—in addition to everything else on my prep list."

Comment: For my daughter who has worked both the closing and opening shifts at Caribou Coffee